Ghosts in the Smoking Area

Robin M Eames

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Image is a hand drawn illustration on a grey background. At the top of the image, a semi circle of tealight candles are burning brightly, they are coloured in all colours of the rainbow. Beneath them, two ghostly figures are standing side-by-side, embracing with one arm and raising their other arms to the sky. Two children are playing beside them, holding hands and dancing on the grey grass. In the background are large dark grey hills and small grey trees, with small lines of yellow light running through them.

‘Ghosts in the Smoking Area – Caitlin McGregor, 2023.

Fuck-eyed on cheap tequila 
in the smoker’s caucus
outside the gay bar
I notice the absences
gaps in the crowd
where Mama L held court 
where queens & whores
& goths & glittering twinks
& leatherdykes & butch mums
blazed across the sky
to land sparkling in the gutter
still burning to the end
Where older queers taught me 
how to roll a durry / see thru 
bullshit / self medicate / how
to propagate shoplifted plants
how to be kind / radicalise 
rising up out of the gutter
swelling with piss & storm water
while the moon reflected
brightly over broken beerglass
Now the list of the dead 
is so long I don’t remember 
all their names, don’t speak others.
Sometimes we see it coming
other times it’s a quiet fading
or sudden disappearance 
social media panic / search
“Have you heard” / “have you seen”
& seeing them again 
in the vigils & inquests, 
hospital admissions, obituaries 
in the gaps in the crowd 
where the baby queers 
party on, not knowing 
what was fought & lost
for their messy joy

To hear Robin read their poem ‘Ghosts in the Smoking Area’, click below.

Robin M Eames is a queercrip poet and historian living on Gadigal land. Their work has been published in Overland, Meanjin, Cordite, and APJ, among others.